Gravity

i am coming to terms with myself.
tying up some loose ends, and leaving the rest to fray.
but im at peace
amidst an ever present night of uncertainty
i am growing sure of myself
adapting and accepting that this is going to be me

its like a foreign object puncturing your skin
the pain lasts so long
until your skin grows around it
and learns to embrace it

i still cant see a light this way
or, its just as dim as anywhere else
and i dont know how many will read this
another ore unrefined
or unrecycled waste

i hope you see this
and no dont think its someone else
because theres no escaping it

theres a consequence at either outcomes
but i, for one, rather die living this through
than live not knowing how else i'd die

this is raw,
at its purest form
because there isnt many places for this anymore.

My shoulders hurt. really really bad.
so bad that ive considered finding a doctor.
im tired of carrying and lifting up
i feel an age beyond my years
thoughts weigh on my eyes
in my heart
on my shoulders

Still, aging is timeless
through time you see how many things evolve
Yet, in time, you realize what little changes

but no,
fretting does no ill or good.
it is only justified when action is accompanied
Rise. despite age despite anger despite agony
because,
when you accomplish despite everything you are
you accomplish with God

From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Whats bean up...

funny how "whats been down" has the same meaning....

Was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day...
about the purpose of life, yeah... we go deep...

Ming: have you asked God whats your purpose in life?
Me: (asks God...)yeah...
Ming: and?
Me: He laughing and saying that if He chose to answer that, the answer would have been out long ago and there wouldnt be any point in living anymore...
Ming: lol...

As of now in terms of purpose, Id say that if you want to live contented, find what you truly love and persue it. and finding it's the hardest part...
We concluded that there couldnt be a specific purpose for all of us, and even if there was... it would be quite general...

Then we got into the relationships topic.
how detachment causes people to find quick replacements or distractions when the wisest choice would be to learn from ones experiences
How relationships are made and meant to be permanent

"When you think about it, realizing the purpose of "relationships" we have will motivate you to search ever for that one and only person, to whom you give your all to keep and build a beautiful story with that ultimately leads to, but not ends at, the altars of God."

The question of what am i looking for in a.... partner has been constantly popping up in my head... hahaa... deduce what you will from that...

As of Now, ive been hanging around curve for 2 whole days straight..
Thought i had the morning shift yesterday, turned out to be night instead...
today i had morning shift, but had to stay on coz someone was unavailable
So i took 4 shots of expresso.

you know, caffiene only shoots to your heart
and i think it gives you a bloodrush to your brain
THATS why if your tired, coffee only keeps you awake
not stronger. learned through experience...

I should write a book on this...

Inspired by caffiene,
Hansel

The Last Week of Febuary

is a killer...

shifts and meetings and farewells and appointments

emotionally too...

Schedule's jam packed

Its between Wednesday and Thursday now... currently, can survive la...

You know, people always ask how can a person be so busy, yet have time to blog/facebook...
Well i do that, and i guess its to compensate all the stress, y'know?

for me its like a reward, and if i dont do that and go straight to bed, lagi cannot work later...
Hence, the blogging.
Its me-time... like how some people must dig into their favourite book, or eat something(or coffeee... ), or call a special someone..

But works good,
One month in and Coffee Bean's been friendly, (which is the F in "FROTH")
Notice how if you take away the F, its ROTH... and it sounds like Wrath...
Yeah... that reminds me of my boss...

I've a bunch of SPM leaving colleagues (4 in all? i think..), a considerably pro barista who's my age... and a bunch of strict but can-joke-with bosses
Take my word, it is almost NEVER dull in the kitchen...
I enjoy work... :P yeap...

ANd and and... proudly, i can tell the diff between Machiatos and Lattes and Cappuccino (Can even spell it right ;) ) and ofcourse expresso... from Long blacks to flat whites...

So as of now...
Im officially a barista :) thats a tick off "Things to do before i die" list...
And Mabel Soo's in Adelaide...
so THAT sucks...
Managed to let go a bit of the past...
and realized friends are worth keeping after all...
Church schedule's been..... altered....
and the responsibilities aree..... like that la...
And i MIGHT be getting a new ride..
Might...

Randomly, have you ever stayed up till the sun rose?
not wake up before dawn k.. actually not sleep till the next day...
i kinda like the feeling it gives... its like, witnessing birth...

its a solemn moment, yet makes you want run out and bask in the light... just to it get it while its fresh...

And in that i really get why dawn is closely related to hope... if you struggled to keep awake long enough, or have assignments to do till 7am... you'll know what i mean...

Without Wax,
Hansel
25Feb

Belief

There was once a boy who had a bad past,
Because of which, he hurt himself,
And this troubled his father,

So he went to see a doctor and begged,
"Please, if you can, heal my son."

"If I can??"

The specialist, clearly irritated, replied:
"Sir, what DO you believe is possible?"

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed,

"I DO believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" - Mark 6:24

---

Belief.
Its a word has been constantly in and out of my head.
Come to think of it, it maybe from God...

So much comes out of how much one believes in himself.
and it brings confidence, or otherwise
and hope, or fear.

its like, a total doubtless acceptance that something is true. Conviction.
The web defines it as: any cognitive content held as true
What you believe structures your thoughts and actions, attitudes and motivations.

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

Belief, or Epistemology (lol, pronounced: A-'Piss-Them-All'-ogy... the scientific study of knowledge and belief),

---

John Mayer also wrote about Belief in the album, 'Continuum',

Amidst the riffs, he sings:

"Belief is a beautiful armor

But makes for the heaviest sword

Like punching under water
You never can hit who you're trying for

We're never gonna win the world

We're never gonna stop the war

We're never gonna beat this

If belief is what we're fighting for"

Nice song, if you're into blues, listen to it...
A little morbid on the lyrics though.

He explains, later, that he thinks that it is futile to replace someones belief with another. "The only way that anybody can change a belief is internally."

True. Circumstances like accidents, inter-religious debates, and abuse have been known to dramatically change what a person believes in.

"Everyone believes...

From emptiness to everything"

Gavin DeGraw also has a song with the same title, giving belief a more protagonist-ic approach.

dedicated his to tsunami victims.

---

I find it hard to believe in myself. Lack of confidence, maybe. But its been always easier when someones believing in me instead. maybe its reassuring...

Ah, its just decisions that i've got to make. I seem to be going in circles, its fun... Till the nausea hits. One minute its like, "screw the world, this is what i want", next, "wait, is this really going to work?". But hell, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, right? So bring on the nausea...

Lets talk bout Allah...

Oh, please don't throw a Molotov cocktail and incinerate my blog... smirk...

Everyone (assumably) knows bout the church burnings/vandalism that's been going on around here... but for the ignorant, thus ends your bliss ;)

As of today, (Disclaimer: only as far as I've heard...) 8 churches have been burnt via homemade Molotov cocktails, a number of pastor's cars splashed with black/red paint, and rumors of people breaking into cars with signs of Christianity are spreading. Cause? A Catholic published an article and called his God, 'Allah'. Naturally, there are people of another faith who would feel offended. It was brought to court, which in turn ruled in the publisher's favour. Even more disappointment.. mhmm...

---

Technically, the Arabic word 'Allah' and the Hebrew name for their God 'Aleim' (whom we now popularly spell 'Elohim') came from the same root Semitic word, 'Al'/'El'. So Islamic authorities cant actually claim the word 'Allah' to represent the Islamic God. That, adding to the fact that Allah is defined as 'the one God' or a mono-theistic God in most middle-eastern countries (possibly ALL other countries), makes one really wonder "Who really IS in the right?".

None the less, for convenience sake it would have been much simpler to keep things the way it was. its so much easier to stick with God, or even Tuhan (which, if you don't know, is God, mono- or poly-theistic). Stirring up a storm in a teacup? Well, i guess if something isn't right, someone has to try fixing it.

---

So how should we respond? (as Christians i mean... and as not to make this post any more cheong hei, we'll use bullet points):

- Understand. Hey, what if Hindus or Muslims start calling their god Yahweh, or Jehovah? Kinda feels a little insulting right? + Allah has always been a personal name for the God Malays worship. faham faham la...
- Think. Please don't act rashly, whatever you do. Be it burning a mosque, talking about this issue in public, or things like drinking and the language you use... the way people see it: You=Christian
- Act. Be ready to give an answer to those who question your faith. Not offensively, but be in the know and prepared to relate to those of other faiths. For God's sake, don't start a fight! And please, do pray always for all Malaysians.


Its not a time to celebrate, but lets stand confident and see things in Gods eyes.

---

Personally, i feel that Malaysia has really grown and matured. Look, 30 years back, if someone burned a place of worship, race riots would start and many people will kill more people and lots would die and their kids would kill more people etc..

Today, assuming (as everyone are) that the culprit are Muslim extremist, its so very touching and assuring to find what, 130 Muslim NGOs? All volunteering to ensure the Church's (in capital, because it means all of us :) safety.

Thank God :)
Hansel

12Jan10

THE GAME

The Game is an abstract concept.
It involves no tangible objects, nor is it played on any physical medium.
It exists in the minds of those who play it, and it never ends.
That's right, you can never win The Game (though this is debatable).

In order to lose the Game, you have to think about the game.
Upon thinking about the Game, you lose and must announce that you've lost.
This spreads the game to new people and forces others to lose the game.

So, you are now playing the Game.

You will soon forget about this definition, and maybe sometime soon be reminded of it somehow, thereby losing the game.