an eve of epiphany

Have you been close to death before?
to realize that all you lived for could be wiped away
that the few second you were in could have been your last?

That heartbeat. that helplessness. that confusion. that realization. that fear.

At that point, you honestly struggle to live
at that point where it isn't a joke anymore
at that point where you could die

At that point, life is real because its moving away from you
quicker than how time slothfully drags it
and you have to try to tighten your grip or choose to let it go

Like any prey of a predator, like any freak accident, like everyone else from old age.
to be at the point where you could finally find out what happens next.
or if anything will happen at all

I have.

Was watching this YouTube about a scuba diver tried to sink to the bottom, just for sport.
it was from a vidcam which he held as he sank.
it was seen from a point-of-view perspective
and it showed how he reached the bottom
got tangled in the sand
and died.

You remember the things you were suppose to do
you regret the things you were suppose to say
you think of the people who matter
because they suddenly don't anymore

When you face death, your face changes a little
it ages a little, solemnise a little, it grows older
you may even say it starts to look like death himself
well, maybe a little

Exhale

"Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start."
- The Scientist


I'm feeling veryyyy... heavy...
tired i guess
discouraged partially tons of work piling up and I've lost all motivation
have i never had it in the first place
theres no will to continue this game
its a pointless unified march
from running to persistent jogging to stray walking to dragging your feet in circles
around a tree hoping for a finish line or a pit stop
and fatigue just caught up again
I'm pulled and stretched and drained
I'm disappointed and frustrated
at myself for not doing as i should not as well as i can
what am i suppose to do
who am i supposedly
where do i go from here
who do i become
mere flesh wounds and blood
and the feeling of mortality
human
I'm frustrated at my own disability
at how blind i am
at how crippled i am
wretched strength of self-reliance
useless

He's really got me this time
hit when i hurt
so take me higher
pray 4 me pls?

"Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I..."
- Fix You

"In a bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
I'll see you soon
In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon"
-See You Soon

Maan.. listening to Coldplay classics at 2am feels like that seaming hot chocolate (not coffee, mind you... hot chocolate) on a rainy day... warm..
very chicken-soup-for-the-soul... ever read that one?

"Now when you work out where to draw the line
You're guess is as good as mine"
- God put a Smile on Your Face

speaking of coffee... i am going to officially try to cut down on my caffeine intake... everything caffeine... so if you see me taking something significantly caffeinated, shout: "HANSEL, YOU"RE TAKING SOMETHING SIGNIFICANTLY CAFFEINATED!!!"

You know what i hate?
bad first impressions
perceptions, misconceptions
did you know?
you dont evaluate a person at the time she smiles at you or by the first 5 words he says
by the first 12 second of you noticing the person, youve already decided whether you like the person or not.
ridiculous.
so what if i look stuck up or proud or shy or arrogant?
is that who i am? do you know me?
i have so many people telling me, "hey you know, last time i really though you were so cocky. never talk to anyone some more..."
and we'll laugh about it coz the only reason they can tell me that is coz im not
dont judge a freaking durian by its spikes man... frustrating.
try looking past everyone physically and find out each person for who he is
despite obesity despite ugliness despite thatirritatinghabit despite faceproblems
if you cant, find one good thing about him and focus all you can on it
then maybe you get a glimpse of how Jesus sees each and every one of us.
(note: lol.. im not refering to myself evrytime i use 'him' k? i mean generally everyone 'him'.. its just coz if i use 'her', you might get the wrong idea, get it? haha...)


"What if I got it wrong
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong"
- What If?

Stumbled on these few links, you might find interesting... hehe..

1) the national blogroll?

I got mine signed up, go check it out...haha..

they even have blog (popularity) levels..

2) this girl from SG started a clothes/assesories line
named after me... wohoo!!

JK la, i duno her... its named after her dog, apparently...

"Oh, what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see"
-Swallowed in the Sea

Remember that one? i made a video of that song while in CIMP... still very proud of it, haha..
try to upload into blogger/youtube someday...
yup, thats the end of my (emo?) post...

"Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all... "
- Yellow :)

Berkelah Falls (Picnic Falls)

Im not crazy, im just a little un

Well, i guess i SHOULD be saying something...
Lots have been going on since the last post
its been... trying times...
and rewarding too...

uh... let get to the pics... HAha..
Notice i hvnt been adding much lately..

Ranger Kids Night Out! (21/8/09?)

Good fun la.. when was the last time you flew a kite?
Rephrase: when was the last time you MADE a kite and flew it..?

These kids did man...
Good to see combined effort between Calvary and Grace PJ RR...
+ We had Barbecue NUMBER ONE... courtesy of SamSoongs might-be-famous-in-the-distant-future recipe sauce

I present future-heart-melter Emil

(cmdr trained and approved ;) )

Soong taking off...

(As in flying taking off, not taking off as in.. you know..)

This one was all smiles running everywhere...

Bleahh...

Phillip flying the pink

Then there was..

Alpha’s free cell weekend (29/8/09):

We had car wash... And um.. Obstacle course with chairs
And treasure hunt... mostly thanks to Esther
(Get well soon!)

Oh and pizzaaa and Big Apple and drinks courtesy of JonYee
Love how they had fun...
Theres something about giving that makes you feel... fulfilled...
(Sry no pics here... 2 busy planning... :P)

Day after that was...

DR Camp:Superhero (30/8/09):

Also no pics... VERY busy planning
But basically highlights were (yeah, cut it short la... lazy to type already...):

-Watching Jupiter and the moon up close
-Shooting water bottle rockets
-Shooting potatoes... (no, seriously...) using Sam Gibbs’s “Spud-a-kiss”...
-Playing games with food dye (is awesome)
-Barbecue NUMBER TWO

Awesome la... how come i never got to do these sort of things at their age?

CY Campfire – Call of Duty (5/9/09):

Another awesome event
Headed there early with the advance party (Ngeow, Kat, Wei Lin, and Tim) to set up the place

And took a few pics...

Before my cam died...

Termites.. (whaat? my cam died la.. thats all i got..)

Tim. Sek Fan-ing.. if you look closely he's posing.. lol!

Esther: Thats right! now you get it?

Mi-ang (Jeremy ang) thumbs up making sure everyone gets it...

Some others, who just didn't get it... lol..

We had the usual games in teams like Tangerine Marine, Nazi Lemak, Hairforce One, Squatting Squad, etc... LOL...

Personally, it was like a distant dream come true...
I have now and again (in this blog) explained what CY supposedly consist of... and it’s amazing to see everyone worshiping together (under the forest setting, ill add)

Im glad everything went well, audio for the campfire, the skit (that was VERY hot... yeah..?) and of course... the fire starting *pat shoulder*
All glory to God...

And of course, there was Barbecue NUMBER THREE...

Oh, btw... if you didn't realize (as did i), it poured that night... AFTER the campfire... thats amazing right? God even waited for all of us to get back home safe and dry first... :D

As 4 the campfire, i shall steal 1 pic from... kenny’s blog...

Awesome right?

And just recently,

5Merbau Reunite (10/9/09):

Well, i came late... i... got lost... LOL...
Coz apparently the directions were:
-Manhattan fish market, Cineleisure (opposite Laundry)
Since laundry’s at a corner, theres 2 opposite...
Yeah, basically.. I suck...

But the only thing that changed was evryone’s hair color! (and all can drive now..)
Evryone’s still the same after 2 years...
Haha.. great to see these guys again...

Hwee Ching swinging Alifs cam around

Ms President and May Yi

MagdalenA...

Shafiq

Mr i-came-all-the-way-from-Melaka-with-two-cams-just-to-see-you Alif
Awesome la bro, 2 years man... thats loong..

5 Merbau class of 2007
(- kokSam, Najwa, szeYuen, liCheng, aiLing, tienSoon)

There.. i think ive said enough for now...
haha.. till next time,

emo poetico

"Has it ever occured that while we're waiting for God, God's actually waiting for us?"

you know,
ive tried to do a post like 5 times now...
and i think for now ill just drop 3 things

first up's something i learnt from Monash CF devotion the other day...
(who says people dont remember devotions i prove you wrong)

this big guy was talking about his unofficial missionary work aroun places and how he had to go (and is currently studying in) BCM. Good guy, very honest.
know what i thinks the most attractive atribute a person can display? comfortability with ones self. a person who knows and accepts who he is can be miles more attractive then an insecure person. but i digress.

well, i thought this was very interesting because its so very well constructed and relevant:

4 Problems We Face:

- Primal pain of the Heart
- Cynicism of the Mind
- Paralysis of the Will
- Over-crowding of the Soul

do ponder...

Next up is something from FB (yes, again...)
its a note i found while looking through my profile...

this really cracked me up, alone in my room...
so yeah, my old me cracks up my present me... go figure

Complete the following, tag your friends, and don't forget to tag the person who tagged you. Don't think too long for your answer, just be spontaneous!

SHE CANNOT SEE THE FOREST... Coz its 2 far away?

YOU CANNOT MAKE A SILK PURSE OUT OF... Pursed silk?

DON'T THROW THE BABY OUT... your not Michael Jackson (first thing from my head).. he's dead (2nd)

LOOSE LIPS... Taste wet..

CURIOSITY KILLED..................................................... murderer.

A WATCHED POT... tells time.

YOU CANNOT HAVE YOUR CAKE... Till i have mine?

CUT OFF YOUR NOSE TO... Cut off your hands

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL ME TWICE... Youre not bad..

WHY PAY FOR THE COW WHEN... Goat is cheaper? (indian accent + shake head)

THERE IS MORE THAN ONE WAY TO.. Start a fire.. matches, lighter, flint and steel, magnifying glass, bow and drill... (hey, first thing in my mind right?)

DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS... Count the cocks

BIRDS OF A FEATHER... Need more if they want to fly..

A STITCH IN TIME.. Heals all wounds..

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED... At last you wont fail! lol...

THOSE WHO LIVE IN GLASS HOUSES... Cant change clothes

THE SQUEAKY WHEEL... Is squeaky clean?

WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE... Is great for the gooses

somethings , only i get...

Akhir skali,

i was cleaning my room just now, yeah... WHOA...
and i found this piece of paper with Michaels writing on it (anyone could tell it was Michael's writting)
There was a song written on it and it was from AIM times...
(see, how old the junk i keep in my room)

i had no idea how the song went till i began to read it... then the tune sorta followed...

"It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better off on the road"

Sounds familiar? Man, AIM days... great stories there ;)
oh, i can SO imagine Kat singing this...

"Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
We are the Body of Christ" - Casting Crowns

I needed this, maybe you do too...

Nehemiah 8:10
This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

La vie est délicat

how dyou find what cannot be seen,
where dyou buy what cannot be bought;
how dyou go to places you cant,
to win the battles you once fought.
-
dyou do what your heart tells you,
how dyou refuse what you really want;
how dyou still start after so many stops,
to still stride when you're the last one.
-
how dyou give up giving up,
how dyou resolve to not end;
how dyou ascending a descending escalator,
when dyou stop being just man.
-
how dyou break life at your own hands,
with not a drop of blood seen later;
how dyou stare down a knife's brink,
how dyou tear a tissue paper.
-
how dyou give birth to ingenuity,
how dyou set growth into motion;
how dyou move the waves when you sing,
how dyou prosper a barren ocean.

I plucked this out of some facebook group page...
This stuff is HILARIOUS
made my day, a few days ago...

I Appreciate Christian Pick-Up Lines
a collection of the best:

(i filtered some off coz there were too many... and you might get bored half way through)

1. "nice bible."

4. "for you i would slay two Goliaths"

5. "i would go through more than Job for you"

6. "you are perfect, except with all the sin."

8. "you are so unblemished that i would sacrifice you."

9. "what, this here? oh.. thats my study bible - it's a little bigger but i can handle the extra spiritual and physical weight."

12. "the word says 'Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry'; how about dinner?"

13. "i didnt believe in predestination until tonight."

15. "i believe one of my ribs belongs to you."

20. "my spiritual gift is my good looks... it lifts peoples spirits"

22. "is this the transfiguration.. because you are glowing"

25. "hey.. i would work 7 years for your sister.. but i would work 7 more years for you."

27. "hey good-looking, Ecclesiastes 4:11..."

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

29. "bible-gateway happens to be my homepage."

32. "can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?"

36. "did i just have mud rubbed in my eyes?"

38. "now i know why Solomon had 700 wives... Because he never met you."

41. "is that a thinline, duo-tone, compact, ESV Travel Bible in your pocket"

44. ''you put the 'cute' back in persecution...'

'45. "your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead"

47. "how many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?"
(Think: Jericho)

48. "how would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?"

52. "unfortunately i cant perform miracles and ive only got enough bread and fish for 2 people."

54. "let me remove my sandals before I come any closer.." (sounds familiar... hm..)

55. "lets say, hypothetically, you were married. I would send your husband to the front line against the Amorites" (think: David)

60. "if i had to choose between a romantic date with you or a night with the fellas... i would sit at home and read my bible."

61. "i really like your spirituality, it goes well with that shirt."

66. "i'm a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you're a proverbs 31 kinda woman..."
(read proverbs 31 and proverbs 32... MUST!)

72. "let me sell you an indulgence because it's a sin to look as good as you do."

73. "not a big fan of your last name, but thats cool, i can change that."

76. "i consider myself to be fisher of women. this would be referred to as "casting my net"." (for the millionth time...)

79.
"Me.
You.
Song of Songs:
The Remix."

80. "when i read philippians 4:8, i think about you."

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

87. "who's your favorite apostle?"

90. "let's go for a ride in my zondervan"

91. "I like to think that I'm all things to all women."

93. 'all im looking for is a Godly woman. i don't care that you're not attractive.'

94. 'you float my ark.'

97. "you make me want to be a better Christian."

100. "if you were staying for the tribulation, i would consider staying too..
but then i would probably leave."

102. "i would have asked you out to dinner, but i just put all my money in the offetory basket."

109. "the perseverance of the saints is well illustrated by the amount of time I spend talking to you."

112. "I would bring your father twelve-hundred Philistine foreskins for just one date with you."
(i know, y so many long ones...)

Finally, i think this the best part la (from the description section):

"It's crazy that so many ppl have joined, hopefully the lines are spreading far and wide.
Few quick admin matters.

1) If someone suggests the speaking in tongues pick up line once more i will personally come round to their house and get all Old Testament on them.

2) Don't post anything about these lines not working. 60% of the time they work everytime."

Any favorites? (i think no.44 is the best out of the list...)
haha or maybe a top5 list? send to comments part...

Eh disclaimer bout the verses yeah (for non-Christians and Christians alike..):
most are taken out of context. So dont take them literally...