"but you passed up a day late, that's 50% off your marks."
"good job, very well done."
"tell me honestly, don't lie to me, Su Han. Did you plagiarize?"
"well, you're almost there... but not there."
"i enjoyed your presentation much."
"shit happens, Su Han, i cant help you there."

Well, this is worth blogging..
i was explaining (for the 1,000,000Th time) how i got the name "Hansel"
when i decided to check the Etymology (study of the origin of words) of the name and
this is what i got:

"HANSEL was not found in this database." (behindthenames.com)
ouch... having a non-existent name?

but interest driven me searched till i found this off thinkbabynames.com:

The boy's name Hansel \ha(n)-sel\ is a variant of Hans (Scandinavian, German, Danish) and John (Hebrew), and the meaning of Hansel is "the Lord is gracious".
The baby name Hansel sounds like Hanzel and Hansl. Other similar baby names are Hanyel, Haniel, Hansen and Mansel. (Mansel..!?)
Hansel is a very rare male first name and a very popular surname (source: 1990 U.S. Census).

The Lord is gracious...

oh, it actually ain't all that special...
i share the meaning with John, Jane, Evan, Shavonne, Janet, Yann etc...

But what does this prove? Lol..
God has been VERY Gracious...

btw, anyone heard of Ralph Mactell's "Streets of London"?

my HELL-iday begins

TODAY:

i woke up..
it was raining...
it wasnt suppose to rain..
how was i suppose to paint in the rain?
i hate rain..

i am thoroughly stressed out..
hair-pulling-wall-punching-yelling-breaking-crying-screaming-cursing kinda stressed out..

so many things running in my head..

but i was writing about all the things i had to do..
when i realized all i have been doing was talking about them..

i don't think its that bad.. really..
I've seen people take what i have way better..
I'm just bad at handling stress.. i tend to run away..
or stone.. and hope it goes away,
do nothing, watch things screw up and just take the blame..
irresponsibility.. God help me, You know I'm trying..

you know, its been really an up and down day..
i feel so pressured by so many tasks..
yet it help me appreciate many good things that happened..

we celebrated my bros birthday.. :) we had cake..
he was happy..
his auntie gave him a hundred bucks.. haha.. BiG :) for him..

Played dota.. not sure how THAT helps..

Kah Meng came to help paint.. which I'm very very grateful for..
and tomorrows gona be better.. because I've got 6 people helping me paint..
THAT can only be by GODS grace.. HuGe :) for me

PS: God, if You're reading this.. please let it not rain tomorrow.. :) Love you (either ways).

___________________

notice unity breaking? friends, family, and every other kind of relationship..
Divide and conquer is his strategy.. it has always been..
can we all just stop?

[But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you.."]

This really caught me..
You Either Die A Hero, Or Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become The Villain...

Ive been thinking lots about the white knight/dark knight theme in the batman movie..to me, Harvey Dent's really the main character in Dark Knight..

Being the target of two extremes, living with different egos of his life.

innitially it was easy for him, knowing the system, having crowd support, admiring girlfriend, good looks..

so why not fight? there were more benefits on the good side anyways..

Compared to batman, he fought by choice.. not by circumstance..

but when the Nolan takes that away one by one..

and Dent starts to doubt all he trusts.. the only thing he falls back on is chance

in the struggle to maintain his image and hide his weaknesses, the tension of opposite pulls snapped him.. but batman endured?

why did righteous dent snap but batman could take it?

what did dent do wrong?

wasnt he on the right track? didnt he do everything right?

but you see we have one factor that cannot be taken away so easily..
["For when I am weak, then I am strong."]
*subject to editing*

_____________________________

Mr Tan from eng4c was asking around on monday for our essay topic and its thesis..

he rejected most because the topic was too wide..
me? i didnt plan anything.. but this is how it went..


T: What you write should be someting youre passionate about.. Who else has their topic?
H: *lift hand
T: whats yours?
H: im passionate about SEX
T: ...
( class burst out laughing )
T: haha.. thesis?
H: Um.. yeah.. how.. people.. How Teenagers.. are affected by pre-marital sex.. psychologically..
T: positively, or negetively? ;)
H: negatively la..
T: ... okay, do it..

Yes, man.. not only i get a good interesting topic, it was accepted..

Phew.. Thank God for quick thinking..

"Its okay to get yourself in trouble, just as long as you know how to get yourself out.."

_____________________________

Saying I love you

Is not the words I want to hear from you

It's not that I want you

Not to say, but if you only knew

How easy it would be to show me how you feel

More than words is all you had to do to make it real

Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me

Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two

More than words to show you feel

That your love for me is real

What would you say if

I took those words away

Then you couldn't make things new

Just by saying I love you

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand

All you have to do is close your eyes

And just reach out your hands and touch me

Hold me close don't ever let me go

More than words is all I ever needed you to show

Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me

Cos Id already know

COA..

So, yeah.. RR KL#1 had our Council of Achievement today..
As usual.. lots of acts.. lots of laughs... lots of FOOD..

oh and the fellowship.. SO much talking sometimes i wish we talked a little less and ate a little more..
( its an 'inside' thing.. )

And pastor Steven was there.. to grace the event..
made me realize how long since i last saw him..

posers.. we're not bad people.. (unless if it comes to it..)

Um.. uh. yeah.. point proven, we're not bad people..

Hey, did you know, the term we're all so familiar with, 'Calvary Youth', actually consists of 4 parts?

Christ ambassabors

CCSM

RR

Missionettes

YES, it does.. dont believe? go check.. GO.

its a term abused more often than not..

I was just thinking, what if.. all 4 groups got together and did something..

What their suppose to do in the first place, our common main purpose..

Because, look.. each of these group have such unique strenghts (and weaknesses, admit it..) thats are evidently different from each other.. what if we put aside differences for awhile and see how high we can reach as a whole ministry..

you want to 'reach, teach and keep'? you want to 'impact our generation'?

but as i say this, i have to admit, it makes me feel guilty.. because i am a Royal Ranger and a Christ Ambassador.. and what am i doing about it? sigh..

please, im not trying to blame anyone, (ive had enough of people misinterpreting my posts..)or trying to say that everything been done wrong.. no..

its just a thought.. after all..

Senior Commander James G..

coming soon to an outpost near you..

just something i thought was funny..

H0t H0t ChickeN Sh1t..

lol.. go figure..
it doesnt really take a genius to do that..

ive always had this dilema..
and ive read this topic on someone elses blog before..
its a problem faced by people who are genuinely in a battle against procrastination..
and.. haha.. who isnt?

in every school ive been to.. theres this initial drive to study hard..
you know?
when youre sorta inspired by the new books, stationary and uniform..
and in my situations, an entire enviroment

its a whole new beginning, a new chapter to start fresh with..
so you start studying.. chapters before the teacher even starts..
you finish your homework before class ends..
you sit right in front of class just for impression sake..
you ask questions to sound smart and interested..
you highlight, underline, bold and capitalize everything because its seemingly important..
you... well, you get the picture.. :)

then the slacking begins..
it starts with an innocent yawn..
then you accidently forget to bring your homework..
it builds, it accumulates..
and before you know it.. youre back in phase one..

well personally, my longest run was 6months.. then i sorta collapsed..
hey, it was an achievement to me.. i shut procrastination for half a year..

Now that ive started college, its hitting me again..
loosing momentum.. no more will no perform..
haha.. God help me..
_______________________________________________

haha.. found good news on my email today..
my christian service project is approved.. with blessings too.. BiG :)
sigh.. finally something good came by.. :)

man.. ive got a test 2mrw.. MDM..
im hoping and praying i do well.. but i know ive got to study..

im starting to enjoy MDM class..
haha.. everyday SURE got drama one..
someone is bound to piss teacher off..
EVERYDAY..

okay, gotta study..
and get my chicken shit hot again..
LOL..

26/7/2008

i feel down..
because a lot of bad things are happening..
to me..
and to many of my friends..

everyones caught up in their situations..
and i wish i could help them..
i wish i could help myself..

some people find it hard to openly express how they feel..
afraid, maybe.. or just proud.. which is only human to do..
some try to feel better by laughing and telling jokes.. in vain..
and some just dont want to let other people down..
which is good.. but not right..
because everything stays inside..

but like what i said in my previous post..
i live my life an open book..
and i dont think its wrong to tell someone i feel down..
its.. only human.. after all..

wel, thats that..
_______________________________________ ____

today was quite a day..

woke up early..
crazy.. haha..
had to fry lots of stuf for youth..
meat balls, nuggets, sausages..

fried and fried and fried..
but it was fun.. got my mind off alot..



look, i even botherd to take a picture..
fruits of labour.. (yes, im proud.. leave me alone.. lol..)

we set up the 'refreshments' late..
but we saw everyone coming.. they got the hint.. lol..

messed up the drinks tho,
haha.. forgot to bring the container..
so we called kat.. btw, thanks kat..
she had a little collapsible one..
but it had a whole at the bottom..
we learnt that the hard way.. yeah..
thanks kat..

but at the end, drinks were served.. :)
well.. more or less..


everything was prepared in a rush.. messed up through the whole thing..
love it when that happens..
because amidst all the panic and excitement theres so much fun
haha..

its not that i dont feel down now..
im not trying to hide or cover it up..
but it feels good, to give.. you know?
watching them eat.. chat.. laugh..
gets me everytime..

i wish i was there sometimes, but i think my place is behind the counter..
threw in a bottle of thai chilli 2..
that sold out fast..
i love thai chilli..

Hi, i just woke up..

i just remembered why i chose this as a title for my blog..
lol..

today, they gathered all the CIMP students 2 vote.. for student council posts..
it was alright.. students tried to INSPIRE and FIRE UP the crowd, who evidently couldnt care less
and after SO so many - boring speeches.. the time came to vote..
and the time to vote passed..
end of story.. haha.. THAT bad..

Btw, im studyin in Sunway University College.. taking english, accountings and data management in CIMP (canadian international matriculation programme, if you must know..) its been fun.. some wat..

anyways,
i remembered i promised myself to get back up from procrastination and go make friends..
interact and socialize..
'waking up' from being socially lazy..

Cutting the long story short.. i went to my 8th skool fed up of making new friends.. so i decided to lay low, just keeping to my classmates..
7 skools of making and leaving friends isnt great fun, you know.. seriously..
EMOTIONALLY DRAINING..
so i told myself 2 rest and save it for college..
after all ill know them for only, wat? 2 years?

Back to the present..
Just started college, almost 3 weeks..
i guess i owe it to myself to make an initiative to know people.. haha..

tryin to join the Hiking and Treking Club.. but it COSTS.. and ive got a feelin ill hv to fork money from my own pocket..

maybe Basketball..(gleefully) maybe..
im not good tho.. probly make a mess.. but i love the game...
and my fingers are itching..

Wonder if they had some kinda performance arts club or drama or something.. id do that pretty well.. (not tryin to brag.. )

Wel, thats my attempt to 'wake up', im kinda stil in the process.. but ive met a few interesting people so far.. not meaning the classmates youre forced to be with, mind you..

PS: how did i colour the text? i mean.. get the toolbar on and all.. i lost it n cant seem to get it back.. now evrything looks boring.. :(
___________________________________________________________________________________________

ever missed something you gave up, then saw wat others had and realize that wat you missed wasnt reali that great at all?

just a pondering..

My lil suicidal attempt

haha.. yeah, its about gunung tahan...
im just stressd out, (yes, stress levels arent dependent on how much u sleep...)
mainly bout my climb.. its gona b from Jan31 - Feb9..
9 DAYS of non stop walkin.. upwards..
talk a bout findin an efficent weightloss program..
its SO long, i cant find the whole course on google.. yeah..
well..

C the Merapoh trail? thats where we're gona start.. people with SOUND MINDS would go up n down that same way.. that wud take 4 days.... 2 days up, 2 days down..
the fun part is that the MIDDLE 2 days r so close 2 the summit that there is almost no water at all.. haha.. THE PLEASURE OF PAIN...

tis the course lil (SCHOOLGROUND-CAMPING TOWER-BUILDING USELESSLY-MARCHING) boy SCOUTS wud take just 2 pride themselves in 'conquering' a mountain..

n this is my way down.. this is the more interesting part...

its actually the other way around.. coz Merapoh is the west trail.. n Kuala Tahan's the south trail.. so, yeah..

if u botherd 2 look at the map, theers another peak right after tahan's.. SO THATS GONA B A LOT OF FUN...

then u go down...

n down...

n down 2 Kualu Teku.. thats where we're gona take a detour 2 the "4-step waterfall".. its not in the map, btw..

so um.. by the time we come back 2 Kuala Teku it shud b the 6th day...

then theres the 7 river crossing.. IM NOT TRYIN 2 MAKE THINGS LOOK BAD.. but they just r.. :P

7 rivers.. ever got bitten by leaches b4? thats where u get them..

n wats it like 2 walk with wet shoes 4 days?

IM NOT TRYIN 2 MAKE THINGS LOOK BAD.. they just r :(

after that.. its up again to settle Gunung Rajah.. (diagram mountain.. :p)

N "SADLY" the fun end with going through the 27 HILLS..

27 hills.. 27.. wonder who counted... well then, that ends it..

EVERY NS TRAINEE WILL BEG 2 DIFFER, BUT THIS WILL DEFINITELY BE HARDER THAN GOIN THROUGH NATIONAL SERVICE, TRUST ME..

feelings...

haih

im so mixed now...

i feel happy..

coz so many ppl r back..

my sis, ashley, charmaine, lauranne, um.. sze rong..

michelle.. thats all i can remember at the moment.. sry if i misd any1 out..

Thank God 4 frens 2..

especially those CW ppl ive known 4eva.. shud hv taken more time 2 no each 1 a lil more..

i feel tired...

its after christmas n so much 4 the christmas spirit...

well, its not that i hate it.. its just that it really gets kinda routine sometimes..

or

maybe its just me, i duno.. u tel me..

i feel scared...

2mrw im climbing Gunung Nuang...

ive done it b4... but dis time im carryin a 10kg load

(well, suppose 2.. anyways..)

n i hvnt packed.. haihz...

but what im really afraid is doing Gunung Tahan on Feb...

the thing is.. its not gona b the usual 4 day upward hike with no water source save a lil brooke..

were gona play hero n decend a longer way.. 2 top it all of, we'll even take the detour 2 the waterfall.. 9 DAYS all 2gather..

Tahan has always been my dream.. seriously..

its just that i nvr imagined accomplishing it this way..

i feel um... wierd..

well, someone actually found my blog..

n if he/she s reading it now.. u might realize now that im talkin bout u...

i feel exposed.. striped.. naked..

my hearts thoughts all pourd out.. now read by U?

think ill change my url..

n my hp

n my ic

n my adress

hell, its just a couple of posts.. haha

i feel tired.. (again)

so many emotions concentrated 2gather..

its just unhealthy.. i no..

guess im just bad at expressin how i feel..

guess its just a guy thing.. or izit just ME?

do i need help?

well.. my aunts a psychiatrist.. ill c her..

if u need me

ill b in Taman Bahagia..

hey blogging IS therapeutic..

Well, not really.. but anyways..

OK, im completely aware that im probably talkin 2 no1 right now but..

TADAA !

heres my blog...

Well, hving been somewat ignorant about wats happening in the world,

i m now (officially) waking up frm hibernation n 2 those hu think im the first Malaysian 'living dead', im gona prove u wrong..

hence the blog..

im a brutally honest person (quoting frm a compliment/critic of a fren)

So ill admit that i dun realy no wats a blog,

let alone how 2 use it..

N i realy dont get the concept of 1...

Anyways, yeah, slowly learn la..

k, i probably written enuf 2 bore u 2 death......

then again, im talkin 2 no1.... haha.. i feel lifeless

Ok, time 4 a lil nap... bye, imaginary reader...